Something’s got to give!

I’ve not blogged for quite some time now. I’ve had a lot going on, nothing new there I know. I’ve been feeling very up and down and at this moment in time I’m down.

I have a hospital appointment tomorrow with the hopes of finding out what they are going to do about my foot injury. I’m scared. I’m worried. I’m anxious. I literally feel sick to the stomach because I’m dreading what’s going to happen. 

I made a formal complaint against the hospital a few months ago. I had very good reason. It’s 14 months since I injured my foot and yet I’m no better off now than I was was the day I dislocated it. I’ve not seen the consultant since I made the complaint so I don’t know how I’m going to be treated. Maybe I deserve to be treated badly. Maybe I deserve my foot to be like it is. Maybe I’m going to be told that my foot is never going to get better. Whatever the outcome, I am feeling really worried.

My life has been on hold for over a year now. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions for me and as it stands this doesn’t seem like it’s going to end any time soon. I don’t know how I’m going to cope with this. I’m already feeling like something is stirring inside, like a storm gaining momentum and ready to hit any day soon. 

I feel so helpless and I don’t know what to do to stop it. I know what I want to do, but that’s not an option right now. My one support technique that I’ve always relied upon isn’t available and this scares me. What am I meant to do now? I know if I do cut myself I’m going to be branded as mentally unstable which is ridiculous as cutting isn’t the problem, the problem is the problem.

Something’s got to give.

Author: tearsandfears83

Hello there, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my blog. I just like to start by mentioning that I am dyslexic so please be prepared for the typos as I'm sure there will be many. Anyway moving on, this is the first time that I have done anything like a blog online as I usually write my thoughts and feelings down on paper....but thought I should get up to date with the times! I have a degree in psychology and have completed my MEd in Counselling in Education. All of the work that I have done for my current degree is based on self-harm in one way or another! I have quite a lot of first hand experience with mental health issues as I've battled with them on and off for a number of years now. I feel that I'm at the stage in my life where I can finally help other people that have experienced similar experiences to me. I know that this sounds cheesy, but I really want to help people to overcome issue that they face as I feel that everything that I've been through will have been worth it. I still struggle at times with my own mental health issues and often need to let my feelings. In previous times I would have used self-harm to help me though, but I'm now able to direct my emotions in other ways such as drawing, writing poetry and through music. I'm unsure if anyone other than myself will read anything I write and that's okay. I understand that I can't change the world with what I write, but maybe I'll be able to bring people a little comfort in knowing that if I can get through very low points in my life, then they can too!

2 thoughts on “Something’s got to give!”

  1. Dear Zoe: I would like very much to know what is happening with you. My laptop was messed up for several days so I am just now catching up. I do absolutely KNOW that you do NOT deserve to be treated badly! I absolutely GET that “the problem is the problem.” And I would love to put my arms around you – I am so GLAD and so PROUD of you for keeping yourself SAFE through all this. TS

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