I was once told that keeping a diary/blog is a good indication of how my mental health is, noting feelings down happens for one of two reason: something really positive is happening in life life or something negative. Unfortunately for me, it’s the latter.
I can’t really say that my situation has changed all that much; I’m still struggling daily with my mood and mental health and having to drag myself out of bed so I don’t become more of a recluse than I already am.
Every morning I wake up and instantly want to go back to sleep. I constantly feel exhausted and struggle to do the simplest of tasks like function on a half decent level. Sleep is meant to heal and refresh the body but I find that it certainly doesn’t do that for me. My body is begging for more rest but when when I attempt this my mind decides it’s the perfect time to go over every negative detail in my life, thus causing very little rest, both mentally and physically.
People around me struggle to understand why I’ve become so guarded and negative, but it’s hard not to be when my life I’m completely on hold and has been for the past two years because of having an accident that’s pretty much changed me life.
I know that I should focus on the positives, but there are so few that the negatives consume them on a daily basis. It’s a viscous cycle that I can’t seem to break.
I’m more than sure that if I felt more rested then both my body and mind would at least have a chance of healing. Perhaps I’d then be in a better place to be able to tackle the daemons that are picking away at my fragile mind.
The only thing that’s keeping me going is that I still have hope, at least for now. I hope that things will get better in the future and that I’ll be able to live my life rather than just exist.