Finally a date has been given to me for my surgery. It’s not for another 8 weeks which is rather frustrating considering it’s been 7 months since I injured my foot. I’ve been stuck in plaster continuously for at least 16 weeks already so what’s another 8 weeks on top of that eh?!

I have rather mixed feelings about the surgery. I know I need it if I’m ever going to have a chance of being able to walk again, but I just know it’s going to impact upon my mental health so much. I’m already having really dark thoughts and feelings so it worries me somewhat that it’s all going to get so much worse.

I’m feeling abandoned at the moment. It’s like everyone around me is moving on and I’m just stuck here with a serious injury to my foot and not able to do much. This should be a really exciting time in my life what with completing my MEd, and I should be actively looking for a job where I can put everything I’ve learned into practice. But I’m not. My life has literally come to a stop.

Having this surgery in June means that I’m going to have that monstrosity of a frame on my leg for my graduation. I’m also going away on holiday with my family in September and I’ll still have the frame on then. It’s things like this that frustrate me so much. These two occasions should be fun but instead I’m going to be worried about having the frame on and what I can and can’t do whilst it’s on. 

I guess I just feel a little overwhelmed at the moment. For so long I’ve been looking forward to having the surgery as I’ve been waiting so long for it, but now it’s here, I feel somewhat different about the whole thing. I suppose it’s not knowing what’s going to happen once it’s on and how much it’s going to impact on my life. I keep telling myself that there’s no point worrying about it now, but I can’t help it. It’s always there, in my mind just niggling away.