Leave me alone!

Recently I’ve just wanted to be left alone. I’m struggling so much with my low mood and everyone and everything is annoying the hell out of me and I’m trying so hard to move forward but seem to be continuously hitting a brick wall. 

My life is still on hold because of my foot injury. I’m not better off now than what I was 20 months ago when I had my accident. My foot is locked in the same position and will not move at all meaning I’ve still got very little mobility. This is pushing my inner strength to the limits. I am both physically and mentally exhausted and have very little hope and expectations left inside of me.  

I’ve tried talking to my closet family member but they don’t take my feelings into consideration and think I have a terrible attitude. Maybe I do, but I’m struggling so much and can’t get past my low mood.

My depression is worsening and soon I’m going to be completely consumed by the big dark cloud that’s hovering over me. I feel like I have nothing in my life at the moment that’s worth anything and just want to give up. I keep being reminded that there are plenty of people that are worse off that me, which I’m fully aware of, and that I shouldn’t let things get me down. That’s so much easier said than done.

My GP wants the mental health team involved again, which I agree they probably do need to be but unfortunately the people around me don’t think mental health is that important. They are, in effect stopping me from getting the help I truly need. My GP said that this constitutes as a form of emotional abuse, but I think that’s a bit of a harsh term to use. It’s just the way my family has always been. I’ve always been made to feel embarrassed and guilty for have struggles with my mental health in the past but to be honest, I think they are the ones that are embarrassed it which is why they make such a big deal out of it.

I just want to go to sleep and wake up with everything ring fixed, although not waking up at all would be the best solution all around. I just don’t want to have to pretend that I’m okay anymore. I want to be able to express the pain that I’m truly feeling without being made to feel bad about it. I don’t understand why the one person I’m closest to makes me feel like my feelings aren’t important and keeps telling me I have a terrible attitude. If they really cared about me surely they would understand on some level how much I’m struggling with everything?!

I’m distancing myself from people because I can’t continue on like this. I can’t keep putting that fake smile on and telling everyone that I’m not dwelling on my health issue as it won’t get me anywhere. All I really want to do is give up on everything, but yet again I’d be made to feel guilty for that too. 

I just want to be left alone.

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Author: tearsandfears83

Hello there, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my blog. I just like to start by mentioning that I am dyslexic so please be prepared for the typos as I'm sure there will be many. Anyway moving on, this is the first time that I have done anything like a blog online as I usually write my thoughts and feelings down on paper....but thought I should get up to date with the times! I have a degree in psychology and have completed my MEd in Counselling in Education. All of the work that I have done for my current degree is based on self-harm in one way or another! I have quite a lot of first hand experience with mental health issues as I've battled with them on and off for a number of years now. I feel that I'm at the stage in my life where I can finally help other people that have experienced similar experiences to me. I know that this sounds cheesy, but I really want to help people to overcome issue that they face as I feel that everything that I've been through will have been worth it. I still struggle at times with my own mental health issues and often need to let my feelings. In previous times I would have used self-harm to help me though, but I'm now able to direct my emotions in other ways such as drawing, writing poetry and through music. I'm unsure if anyone other than myself will read anything I write and that's okay. I understand that I can't change the world with what I write, but maybe I'll be able to bring people a little comfort in knowing that if I can get through very low points in my life, then they can too!

One thought on “Leave me alone!”

  1. If your family is preventing you from getting help, they are abusive. It doesn’t matter that they’ve always been that way – it’s still abuse. You NEED mental health help and I hope you’re able to get it soon 🙂

    Like

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