Seriously, what is the point?! ****warning this may be a trigger or cause distress if you read until the end****

At this moment in time all I want is to end my life. I am so angry and upset that I just don’t know what to do with myself other than hit my self-destruct button.

I received a phone call from one of my consultants this evening informing me that there’s been a change of plan with my surgery and they aren’t going to go ahead with the operation I was meant to have. Instead I’m going to have something different done to my foot which isn’t going to fix it. 

I’ve been waiting nearly 11 months now for someone to fix my foot and a week before that’s going to happen I get a phone call telling me it’s not going ahead. What makes me even more angry is that I only saw my consultant a few days ago and he didn’t mention any of this, in fact he had an in depth discussion about the surgery.

So they want to go ahead on a different route and get me to see a neurologist as they think my injury is something to do with the nerves in my foot. As I’ve already said, ive been waiting nearly 11 months to be told this, so why the hell wasn’t this picked up before?! I am now left not knowing what’s going to happen now and how long it’s going to take to sort my foot. That is, of course if they don’t decide to do the op that I was meant to be having.

I am literally feeling so let down by all of the doctors involved in treating me. I can’t stop crying and want everything to go away. I know I’ve said this previously but I don’t think I can actually take much more. I’m done with everything. I desperately want to cut myself and feel something other than what I’m feeling now. I want to feel the warm blood on my cool skin as it pours uncontrollably and then just lay there waiting for all of my pain, anger and frustration float away as the blood continues to pour. Or perhaps taking a load of pills would be a better option and it’s not like I don’t have any medication as I pretty much a have pharmacy in my room. At least that way it wouldn’t cause such a mess. he emotional strain that has been put upon my family since I hurt my foot has been unreal. I guess if I were to end everything now then they may be able to move on with their lives and put this and me behind them.

I seriously don’t see the point in any thing anymore.

Advertisements

Author: tearsandfears83

Hello there, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my blog. I just like to start by mentioning that I am dyslexic so please be prepared for the typos as I'm sure there will be many. Anyway moving on, this is the first time that I have done anything like a blog online as I usually write my thoughts and feelings down on paper....but thought I should get up to date with the times! I have a degree in psychology and have completed my MEd in Counselling in Education. All of the work that I have done for my current degree is based on self-harm in one way or another! I have quite a lot of first hand experience with mental health issues as I've battled with them on and off for a number of years now. I feel that I'm at the stage in my life where I can finally help other people that have experienced similar experiences to me. I know that this sounds cheesy, but I really want to help people to overcome issue that they face as I feel that everything that I've been through will have been worth it. I still struggle at times with my own mental health issues and often need to let my feelings. In previous times I would have used self-harm to help me though, but I'm now able to direct my emotions in other ways such as drawing, writing poetry and through music. I'm unsure if anyone other than myself will read anything I write and that's okay. I understand that I can't change the world with what I write, but maybe I'll be able to bring people a little comfort in knowing that if I can get through very low points in my life, then they can too!

10 thoughts on “Seriously, what is the point?! ****warning this may be a trigger or cause distress if you read until the end****”

  1. I’ve been where you are and it’s horrible, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and it will destroy your family. I am sending you lots of hugs and hope there is a crisis line you can call for support. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s