As more time goes by my mental health is deteriorating and I feel fairly helpless in what I can do to try and help myself.
I’ve still not been given another date for my surgery and it’s just coming up to 9 months since I had my accident. I am literally losing the will to live.
My life is on hold and it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere soon. I’m struggling with controlling my pain which, of course has a massive impact on my mood. I can honestly say that I this is one of the lowest points of my life and I can’t see it getting much better.
My mental health really is a concern. I’ve been trying to tell my mum that I’m feeling really low but she doesn’t really seem that bothered. Perhaps that’s a little harsh of me to phrase it that was because my mum loves me very much, it’s just that she ignores it in the hope that it’ll go away. It won’t go away, it hasn’t in the past and it’s not going to in the near future which scares the hell out of me. Since I tried to take my life a number of years ago, my mum has never really wanted to know when I’m feeling depressed and always has a way of turning it around and making it all about her. This is just because she doesn’t know how to deal with such strong and emotional thoughts. Her logic is that if the subject gets changed quick enough, it’s never been talked about and everything is fine when in reality it’s far from fine.
I know full well that when I do eventually have my surgery I’ll ended up getting even more distressed and low and I’m not going to have anyone else to turn to other than my GP who will be hard to see due to my lack of mobility. Everything is just winding me up so much.
I have again just tried to tell my mum how I feel and she gets all defensive and starts moaning. I just don’t get it. I tried to explain that sometimes she makes me feel like she doesn’t care and she had a go at me. I may as well keep hitting my head against the wall as I’m just getting nowhere with her.
Seriously I am going around in circles, this is never going to end.