So I’d love to get absolutely smashed tonight. It’s not often that I feel this way as living in a pub has made me drink less. I see far too many people making complete idiots of themselves after a few pints and I sure as hell don’t want to engage in that type of behaviour.
The main issue I have is I know if I do get drunk I’ll end up doing something stupid. No doubt I’ll end up cutting myself as I usually do when I’m drunk and because my inhibitions go, the worse I’ll end up cutting. Then when I wake in the morning I’ll be totally disgusted with myself for cutting and then I’ll start feeling even more depressed than I am at the moment. It’s a horrible pattern that emerges every time I drink. I don’t like who I am at the best of time, so if alcohol is added into the equation I end up not even being able to look in the mirror at myself.
When I write it all down like this, you’d think the decision to drink or not to drink would be an easy decision. I should not drink….but I want to. I’ll give it a few hours to see if the urge goes. Fingers crossed it.